How Do I Forgive Myself?

Often we give people advice about how they should be, about how their behavior is and sometimes when they are really low, we advice them to be happy, to be content with whatever they have. It seems so easy. To just say few self developed phrases which rhym and then be proud of it. But how easy it is to convince yourself? How do we manipulate ourselves with those dialogues that really make no sense. Specially when we know, it’s us who has done wrong. It’s us who has actually done a mistake. How do we convince that it is okay? How do we come out of guilt? How do we forgive ourselves?

I remember when I was eleven, I had this incredible best friend and one day all of a sudden in middle of science class she tells me that her father wants her to change the school because he got a transfer. I was completely taken back and I asked if there was anything she could do about it. She told no. I went back to my home and I asked dad if I could change my school and he told no you are in middle of a year, you can’t. And it felt so bad. And for a long while I thought it was my mistake but it really wasn’t. I thought i could do something but I didn’t. But in reality, there wasn’t anything I could do. It’s the same story when we grow up. We get into some situations, which aren’t according to our plans and they come out to be tough, and it really doesn’t work out, we think it’s our fault, we think we did a mistake but actually we did not. We underestimate ourselves and overestimate the world so much that we think no one else could go wrong apart from us in this perfect world. But the truth is, this is not the perfect world. Things happen that shouldn’t have but that doesn’t mean we are at the fault. It’s just that time isn’t right enough. It’s no one’s fault. Even if it’s worst for you but that was the best that could happen at that very moment. Stop sulking into the pool of guilt which doesn’t belongs to you. There is so much in this world to feel apart from feeling of guilt of a mistake you didn’t do.

And, when sometimes, when time is really really tough, and we flow under too much of emotions or become too harsh, we take some decisions that we shouldn’t. We do things we should not. There comes time when we really commit a mistake in our senses knowing that our conscience isn’t allowing us to do so. But still we do. Time when we are actually at guilt, when the pool of guilt does belongs to us. Well, in that case how do we forgive ourselves?

When we do mistakes, we realise it is so much easy to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. And even if there is this urge inside the heart to forgive, we just can’t because it is too hard to accept that we could do such mistake. It just doesn’t fit in our character, our personality that is visible to none but ourselves. But ever thought why did you commit the mistake even after you knew that it was mistake and it is going to cost you a big time when it hits you in your head? Maybe because you were daring enough to try? Or maybe because you were daring enough to test yourself and the people you love? Or maybe, let’s just accept the fact that for a moment you went nuts and did a mistake and you can’t undo it even if you badly want to. So how about accepting what you did? How about taking the credits of everything that is ruined by you? And make an attempt to improve it? Make an attempt to make out better of it? You hurt a person? How about you apologize? You hit a dog? How about take it to a vet doctor and take care of it till it gets better? There is nothing that can be undone. But there is nothing that cannot be improved. Own your mistakes and own the credits of improving it as well. It’s okay to commit a mistake. But it’s not okay to realise and do nothing about it. You ask me, how do i overcome this guilt? That’s how you let it go. By pulling the wrongs towards right knowing that it almost impossible.

You ask me, how do i forgive myself? That’s how you forgive yourself.


Little About Me

IMG-20190501-WA0118-01.jpegBefore starting it all, i would like to introduce myself. Clean and translucent. So that in case you like any of my stuff you wouldn’t want to text me after knowing how stupid and insane i could be. I am, as they say a self taught writer, granny taught painter. Obsessed with tea and the memories i have made over it, i am also an over thinker and an introvert, none by choice. I love reading a complete book in a day and certainly feel proud of doing that. Not to mention, how much fond i am of music-old music specifically, generally the kind which people do not like. And certainly proud of that as well. I like imagining perfect scenarios in my mind that would never happen. And I love having conversations with myself. Conversations that are dangerous, triggering, and mind blowing. Which people do not prefer to have since they are too busy in their logical word. But since i crave them, i have them with myself and its the best because i get the exact reply i expect. After having all of the conversations with myself, i overthink upon every scenario of it, and think hard if it could be made better. That weird i am. And that’s how i am. Yet proud and happy of all the ways i perceive things and lived my life till now.